Agoraphobia Through the Lens of Neurodiversity: A Personal Account

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In the past, people thought that anxiety, depression, and phobias affected everyone in the same way. But then, the neurodiversity movement taught us that each person experiences these conditions in their own unique way. So, let’s explore agoraphobia, a type of anxiety disorder, through the lens of neurodiversity. Having, myself been struggling with agoraphobia secretly for decades; I feel it is important to talk about this.

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What is agoraphobia?

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A fear of places or situations where escape might be difficult or embarrassing characterizes agoraphobia. I steer clear of any area where I would feel entrapped, like a crowded place brimming with people or any form of public transportation. As a result, we can become cut off from the world and find it difficult to be socially active or build and sustain relationships with loved ones.
Agoraphobia can also be part of other mental health conditions, such as panic disorder or social anxiety disorder. It is important to note that everyone’s experience of agoraphobia is unique, and the severity and triggers of this condition can greatly vary from person to person.

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Personal Experience

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Agoraphobia is a debilitating anxiety disorder that often goes hand in hand with panic disorder. We characterized it by a fear of leaving one’s safe space, such as one’s home or being in situations where escape may be difficult or embarrassing. This fear can lead to avoidance behaviours that can have a severe impact on daily life.

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I have been there. I had to force myself to go out and get frightening physical and emotional symptoms. If I gave in, I was stuck inside, unable to pass that invisible force field blocking my doorway to the outside.

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It takes an incredible amount of energy and focus to endure the physical and psychological symptoms of a panic attack and mask it pretty much every day.
I have experienced agoraphobia for decades, and it has affected my life in countless ways. Even something as simple as going to the grocery store can cause extreme anxiety and panic. This has led to me developing avoidance behaviours. I use to only go out in the company of my husband or my mother. I got treated with hypnoses that have been permitting me to go out on my own if I stick to a routine, but I cannot go further than the limit of my village. If the way I take every day is no longer available, going through another path is incredibly challenging.
But for me, agoraphobia is not just about fear of leaving the house. It’s also about sensory overload and social anxiety.

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As someone who is neurodivergent, my sensory system is more easily overwhelmed than someone who is neurotypical. This can make public spaces, with their bright lights and loud noises, extremely challenging to navigate. It causes me to be hypervigilant, every dog barking, people being loud, and car or truck running sets turmoil inside. During my childhood and my teenage years, I forced myself into uncomfortable situations to slay that invisible monster that gave me no rest.
In addition, my social anxiety can exacerbate my agoraphobia. I worry about being judged or ridiculed by others, and this fear can be overwhelming in situations where there are lots of people around. For a long time, I had this really firm belief that if people knew of my struggle, they would throw me into a mental institution.

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The thing is, until my forties, I did not know that I was neurodivergent. I had a problematic childhood. My parents were told by our GP and teachers at school that I was pathologically shy and hypersensitive. So when I was feeling all that sensory overload, I was afraid that I was being abnormal. Everyone could sustain all of that noise, light, and chaos, so why not me? I was incredibly ashamed of my symptoms, both physical and emotional. I had the impression everybody was watching and judging me.
Overall, it’s not just a fear of leaving the house, it’s a complex and multifaceted condition that has affected everyone.

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My agoraphobia roots in my neurodivergent identity and how I interact with the world. Agoraphobia is not only a symptom, but it has become an intrinsic component of who I am. I have been battling this affliction for over four decades, and it has become a companion of sorts. My senses may become overwhelmed in chaotic or noisy places, resulting in sudden panic attacks or feelings of anxiousness. And, on top of those more practical obstacles, my anxiety and apprehensiveness of judgement run deep. I may experience a persistent sense of being judged by those around me. I can acutely know of subtle indicators like body language and voice inflexions. These make day-to-day social connections with unfamiliar faces exhausting.

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https://boostneurodiversity.com/

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